Lessons I learned about grief and loss
This article is close to my heart as I would like to share what I learned from my experience. We all experience grief and loss whether it is a loved one, an old identity, or something important to us. Grief and loss and generally associated with death, but it could be anything you miss having in your life as you are stepping in a different path of your life. If you have lost anyone dear to your heart, I understand what it feels like, and I invite you to look after your mental and physical health. This period is challenging and not easy as you feel the need to function to carry out day-to-day life activities and responsibilities. Healing and grieving are not a linear process and they will come in waves of intensity. For example, some days you feel okay and others you feel like you are struggling with your emotions. These emotions are here to ebb and flow as well as meant to be felt to release it out of your system.
Lesson #1: Grief may hit you in stronger intensity if you suppress your emotions.
This is something I noticed if I am using a coping strategy like work to cope and keep myself busy.
The emotions will build up and feel overwhelming affecting your daily function. Overworking is a coping mechanism to escape from something that is bothering you. Think of over-relying on coping mechanisms to deal with something you are avoiding or scared to deal with. Muscle pains, headaches, and digestive upsets can show up in the body to signal your attention to tend to your emotions. Emotional symptoms can be irritability, low mood, anxiety, anger, and low tolerance to inconveniences. Research has shown that suppressed emotions can show up as physical pain if not dealt with. A body map is a tool that shows how certain emotions are stored in the body as it is concentrated in specific areas in the image below (Nummenmaa, Glerean, & Hietanen 2013)[1].
Lesson #2: Asking for support is not a weakness.
If you are the type of person that is used to being the “strong” person, I am here to tell you it is okay to ask for help and support if it feels a lot to handle. The way I view strength has changed over the years. I shifted my view of asking for help from weakness to strength as it supports the healing process plus support makes it more doable. You can support yourself alone, but it can feel lonely and isolating. Humans are social creatures and we need a sense of connection. Research has shown that social connection is key to health and longevity. Loneliness can increase your likelihood of chronic diseases and early death (Surkalim, Daniel L., et al. 2022)[2]. I would advise finding a support system of family, friends, and any other persons who can support you like a therapist or life coach. Safety and trust are key to opening up about your experience and expressing yourself without judgment.
Lesson #3: Be kind to yourself and give yourself time
It is important to be kind and self-compassionate to yourself because it needs time to allow the feelings to pass. You may feel exhausted from what seems to be a small task or need alone time after being around others. It is okay if you feel the need to spend more time with yourself to reflect and sit the emotions. Grief and sadness can take a toll on your physical and mental health. Remember to support yourself on an emotional and physical level like having healthy meals, sleeping enough, taking time to reflect, and seeing a therapist.
Lesson #4: Grieving isn’t linear.
You may have heard that grief lasts 6 months to a year, and comes in stages. In reality, it is not linear and sometimes it shows up randomly in your life. You may have a few good months then it hits you again with the intensity of sadness. I would like to say that some days may be hard and accepting the fact that working through grief is not linear. You will face ups and downs, but you will get through it.
Sending love to anyone who is grieving a loss or going through a difficult time right now<3
Reach out to me if you need any support or have any questions. If you are interested in booking a free health history consultation, click on this link.
Footnotes & References:
[1] Bodily maps of emotions | PNAS
[2] The prevalence of loneliness across 113 countries: systematic review and meta-analysis | The BMJ
Surkalim, Daniel L., et al. "The prevalence of loneliness across 113 countries: systematic review and meta-analysis." bmj 376 (2022).