How to deal with comments on physical appearance in recovery?

When someone comments on your body image and you are struggling with body image / disordered eating, comments from others may trigger you.  Although the person’s intention may be harmless, it may affect how you feel about your body.  The chance of being affected by such comments may be higher if you have/had an eating disorder/disordered eating or have an unhealthy relationship to food/exercise/body. This is because your brain has linked these words as something negative or criticism that a disordered eating /eating disorders mindset has. Good news, your brain and thoughts can be rewired and changed to have a healthier mindset.

Here is a scenario to visualize: Let’s say you are out with family/friends for an outing and someone comments on how you look better after you lost/gained weight. You may have not lost/gained any weight, but it looks like it is due to different factors besides diet. It could be the style/colors of clothes, change in lifestyle, implementing a new body strengthening movement, and more

Pause and reflect: 

How do comments on your body make you feel?

What happens to some when you hear this comment?

• Your mood feels low

• Feeling unsatisfied with your body

• You may feel frustrated/sad/annoyed

• Feel very self-conscious about how look

• Experience a wave of low self-confidence

• Feel anxious around food & become rigid around food/exercise

• Reinforcing previous disordered behavior like restricting and overexercising

If you have experienced any negative reactions to comments, what is a better way to deal with this without it affecting your relationship with your body & mind?

• Check in with how you feel about your body and yourself. Do you feel an urge to act on a disordered behavior like restricting food intake? Do you feel emotionally triggered? What are the emotional and behavioral reactions to the comment? Emotions like discomfort, anxiety, frustration, and anger may come up. Feel the emotion and let it pass just like any emotion.

• Acknowledges that the other’s persons view reflects how they feel about their body and themselves. It is not personal, therefore, try not to take what has been said to heart. I know it is easier said than done.

• If the comment bothers and has affected you in a negative way, verbalize your emotions and set boundaries by saying something like “I don’t feel comfortable when you comment on my body” or “your comment on my body doesn’t benefit me when working through my body image struggles.” This is a brave step to take especially if you are used to taking in other’s people comments like a sponge. Be your own advocate and it is okay to take up space/ advocate for your needs.

• If you have verbalized your boundary more than once and they still say comments, deflect the comment by changing the subject to something else. Let their comment bypass you as it holds no power over you! You are in control!

If you have any questions, reach out to me at @embracing_wellbeing on Instagram or click on the contact me  via email at sarah@embracingwellbeing.com

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